Our Very Special Weaponized Rodentia Program
“Oh rats!”
Squirrelveillance: Bushy Tailed Reconnaissance
Specially trained “Squirrelveillance Squad” being fed activated almonds
Think you could outfox a squirrel? Our team of dedicated scouts the Squirrelveillance Squadron keeps us filthy with up to the second recon intel. There’s not a secret nor tasty morsel that escapes the eyes & ears of comprehensively trained squirrelconnaissance units.
The Progenitor of our Squirrelveillance Squadron: Nuts the Squirrel
“Be careful! He’s Nuts!“
First to Fight, Fast to Bite: The Chinchilla Marines
Pamper Fidelis
Our shock troops: the Chinchilla Marines. Pictured above, they are sampling various glacial meltwaters to see which has the most noticeable impact on softening their fur, pushing the boundaries of softness physics. Hard battles require soft fur!
The Champagne Bathhouse: HQ of the Deep Sea Capybaras
“They look so polite!”
Champagne Nutrients Vitalize Capybara Fur to Prepare for the Ocean Depths
Yes, they are bathing in real champagne
Nothing Like a Little R & R on Uncle Sam’s Dime
The luxuriant coat of a fully champagned capybara
Primping & preening a capybara for underwater military operations
Militarized Hamsters: Deep Underground Military Burrows
Nothing burrows like a hamster. Nothing.
Underground Warfare: Our Militarized Hamsters are Natural Champions
Militarized hamster receives intense psychological training to withstand the rigors of underground warfare
Hamster Bootcamp: Only the Best Can Burrow
Hamster militarization involves one of the most intense bootcamps, with the toughest drill sargeants
Uncivil Engineering: Tactical Beavers
Natural demolishers, our tactical beavers being measured for custom made tactical tuxedoes
The measuring phase for our patented & proprietary Tactical Beaver Tuxedoes takes approximately two weeks. Tedious and intensive, you can’t rush high-tech!
Tactical Deluxe: The Tactical Tuxedo
Fitting and adapting the Tactical Tuxedo is a highly detail-oriented process, taking about two more weeks to produce a single Tac Tux
Fit & Finish: Handsome Devil in the Details
Finally, the two more weeks are over
Prototype Productions: Perpetual Pika Power!
An experimental, and controversial, prototype pika power generator
Pikas Producing Power? What an Original Idea!
(it’s fine, my dad works for Nintendo)
Jerboa Special Forces: Jump Through Any Hoop
Jerboa special forces units jump at the chance to eliminate the enemy
Brains of the Operation: the Noble Lab Rats
If not for the tireless efforts of the Lab Rats, no real work would get done in the laboratory at all.
The Weaponized Rodentia Program was actually founded by our Lab Rats. They filled out all of the requisite forms and scurried through the bureaucracy with ease, as rats are quite capable in dark, winding tunnels and could navigate the government bloat industrial complex skillfully.
Lab rats have the subtlest palates for tasting exquisite wines and cheeses
Our Lab Rats were also able to set up a massive trust fund that is available to all lab rats in the world, recompense for their peerless contributions in furthering every single branch of science and medicine to the benefit of all man and animal kind. It’s the least they could do.