Judy Patootie
The polymathic Judy Patootie performing as a sex magician
“For my next trick, a daring little maneuver I like to call THE SHOCKER! *nyuk nyuk nyuk*”
Sometimes in the chaotic dogfight for musical attention, the glimmer of a true gemstone will shine through the darkness of even the foggiest Tinpan Alley. Born in rural Appalachia as Judith Wittabeaudey, she outclassed her fellow Rowdy Rudies with her charm, grace, and incomparable talent with singing, magic tricks, and so much more. She earned her famous stage name of Judy Patootie because of her ability to suck large amounts of air in through her rectum, then “whistle” in pitch-perfect flatulence (sometimes referred to as “hog whistling” or “foghorning”). At the height of her foghorning career, she held the distinction of holding the longest note without taking a “breath”, a world record at that time.
Judy with Uncle Rudy, moments before the notorious Tuba Incident
Judy became a mainstay at the Butthole County Fair, where she met and then later married her husband, the incorrigible Uncle Rudy. Because of his incessant jokesterism, many believed Judy to have been a longsuffering wife, but it was quite the contrary: Judy gave ol’ Uncle Rudy a run for his money with her unabashed antics! Years of playing music in smoky, run-down jazz clubs honed Judy’s wit and sharpened her tongue like a whip. It was said of her that her casual manner of talk was “…filthier than any drunken whore-mongering sailor, 6 months out to sea!”
Judy at her wedding
Fun Facts:
- Judy had a surprisingly large and shapely posterior for her otherwise petite frame, with almost superhuman rectal control after years of professional foghorning.
- She was the muse for the song When She Farted On My Balls, though things just didn’t work out between her and Stanley Brapsman.
- She didn’t suffocate or otherwise kill Stanley Brapsman: he got pinkeye from an activity that he begged her to do for months until she finally relented.
- Sally referred to her as “Aunt Judy”; she and Rudy were Sally’s adoptive parents.
- Her full branded stage name was The Ineffable Yet F-Able Judy Patootie And Her Fabulous Fanny.
- Judy had to be harangued to her wit’s end before she accepted the challenge leading to the notorious Tuba Incident, ironically predicting exactly what happened in her prior arguments against it.
The Angel of Butthole County
