I Froze My Penis To The Flagpole This Christmas

“Wish I Could Be There With You, and Warm My Frozen Penis By The Fire”

Written and Performed by:

singer/organist/exhibitionist Heinman Cocker

Lyrics:

I froze my penis to the flagpole this Christmas,
while Strolling to your house on Christmas eve
Now I’m gonna need an ocean, of moisturizing lotion
just to give my frozen penis some relief

The Christmas spirit took me, and deep down it shook me
but I probably should’ve waited after dark
with sleigh bells in the air, some people stop and stare
at my dick stuck to the flagpole in the park

I froze my penis to the flagpole this Christmas
I’m sorry that it’s such a sight to witness
while you sing Oh Holy Night, it’s my God given right
to freeze my penis to the flagpole this Christmas

It was my only gift to you, dear, this Christmas
but I couldn’t help but play with it myself
now I’m standing here exhausted, with half my wiener frosted
and my Jingle Bells are gonna freeze as well

Now I’m trying to come home to you this Christmas
but the situation here is getting dire
now frostbite is an issue, wish I could be there with you
and warm my frozen penis by the fire

I can’t help but get my penis out for Christmas
for the joy it brings to hear you point and laugh
while you’re singing Deck the Halls, it’s snowing on my balls
and there’s icicles dangling from my shaft

I’ll freeze my penis to the flagpole every Christmas
though my holiday tradition makes you scoff
I’ll be standing here, hope to see you in the new year
if my penis hasn’t snapped and fallen off